by Lindsay Rose
Raising grounded, grateful children means making them understand that not everyone has what they have. One child’s idea of necessity (ex. a single Barbie doll) may another child’s mere wish. It can be hard for young children to understand how Santa can bring a new bike, a tablet and a dozen other gifts to one house, but only a few board games and a coat to another. Take this into consideration when planning family gifts versus Santa gifts.
Grateful Children Understand the Bigger Picture
Raising grateful children begins with parents who demonstrate gratitude on a daily basis. A quick, heartfelt pause each day to be thankful for things like family, food, and your home show children that having these kinds of things is most important. It helps them understand the difference between needs versus wants and necessity versus luxury. This demonstrates gratitude on the most basic level, but sometimes, particularly with younger children, parents need to allow children to express gratitude on their level. While good health, food, clothing and shelter are some of the most basic things one might be grateful for, those aren’t necessarily the most important things to a four year old. As you go around the table sharing what you’re grateful for, whether you do this daily or as part of your Thanksgiving tradition, there’s nothing wrong with a young child mentioning his Ninja Turtle toys. Those are important things to him. The practice of simply hearing what people of all ages are grateful for will help him see the bigger picture and eventually lead him to express his gratitude on a deeper level. Who knows? Next year, he might even be grateful for his little brother.
Teaching Children the Art of Gracious Expression
Grateful versus gracious. One is an inward feeling while the other is an outward expression. And there is no time like the holidays to work on that outward expression. As parents, we know that our children are indeed grateful for the gifts they receive, but that doesn’t mean express it outwardly in the most appropriate way. With young children, it typically requires a very straightforward conversation about the right things to say about a gift. A simple “thank you” is pretty easy for any child who can speak, so parents need to prepare children with ways to express gratitude, even if the gift wasn’t exactly right. Instead of “it wasn’t the one I wanted,” say “I love the purple color” or “Ooh, I don’t have this one!” Instead of “I already have this,” suggest “This is one of my favorites!” or “You know just what I like.”
For older kids and teens, most parents worry less about them saying something totally ungrateful and more about their attitude and facial expressions. Teach them to go beyond “thank you” and say something thoughtful about each gift…and say it with a sincere, happy expression. Practice it at home while opening family gifts and provide some “critiques,” when needed, before heading out to a big family occasion.
Kids tend to be an open book. It’s up to us to fill that book with meaningful, sincere words by teaching them to be grounded, grateful and gracious every day.